Jared Reise

Yanking my Yankee chain?

2011-12-19T20:57:00.001-06:00

I sent a query to a UK distributor about a month ago. The contact replied almost immediately and requested my pilot and "show bible". Not wanting to scare her with an avalance of material, I sent the pilot and a synopsis.

She wanted even more. She thanked me for the pilot, but again requested a show "bible" with any sketches I had. So, I consulted with the artist I used previously for character designs and paid for a handful more. A locomotive, a town sketch and a few more main characters. I dotted my series concept with them, making it a bit more palatable and sent it off.

And just in time. My contact emailed that she was leaving for vacation as of last Friday, but would be back in January. She asked if we could "pick this up" when she got back.

Amy and my internet friends at TVWriter.com seem optimistic at the progress, but I remain convinced that this is business as usual. She's given me no words to the effect that she is overly impressed by my work. Maybe the concept bible I sent her will help turn the tables in my favor, but I still fall back to the thought that my sci-fi western geared towards a 'tween audience may not be what a UK company would want to deal in. Then again, sifting through 30 pages of concept is not something a busy professional in children's acquisitions would willingly participate in.

The advice now? Send her a holiday card and get to work on something else. Pronto.

prolific prolific prolific prolific prolific

2011-10-23T19:33:00.000-05:00

Has a great lunch with college friend Jason Hall yesterday. I managed to sound competent in talking about life and writing well enough. Jason just finished his MFA studies in Playwriting at Ohio University, and was teaching adjunct classes around the area. It was refreshing to actually have a face-to-face conversation with someone about projects, structure, etc. I was reminded, though, to keep writing; to pursue germinal ideas and not get lazy. To join some sort of writing group to keep the conversation going. When I feel lazy, or when I feel like playing a video game, I need to ask myself if I have fulfilled my obligation to my writing first. Write a germinal idea, write on this blog, whatever. There's no excuse not to be moving on this.

Oh, and to keep reading about writing. Jason recommended great books about general writing and the craft. I have a few books of my own to tackle as well.

There are no excuses. And I don't just one idea. There's plenty to do.

Ruminations on the merits of domestic terrorism

2011-08-17T20:58:00.000-05:00

I started back as a faculty secretary at the community college I work at yesterday. I came across a "strange" manilla envelope addressed to a faculty member that no longer taught there. Return address- the college. Contents- hard and crunchy. I called security to have them take a look.

The chain of events- threatening letter, targeting the faculty member's granddaughter. Evacuation of the building where I worked, police intervention and full investigation by a National Guard unit in cooperation with the FBI. Apparently, this was the third in several years of such letters. Washing of hands, laundering of clothes and shower when I got home. The contents?

Cat litter and cat shit. Someone has been angry for a long time. I have a feeling that this might be the last time- this letter went through the U.S. mail. Hell, even the anthrax guy got nailed (post-mortem, but still).

Similar scenario to the angry ex-military guy who lives across the street from me. He's vandalized our front garden twice now, thinking that we called the police on his family for possible late-night domestic violence (true the first time 2 years ago, not true the second 2 months ago). We can prove nothing, and the $2000 of damage done is only partially covered by insurance.

I mention these instances only because it's caused me to think about the lack of consequences propelling the unstable. It's nothing new, to be sure, but the very notion of causing damage to another person (physically, emotionally or otherwise) strikes me as something that would require a great will. Or unstable mind. Or both. They make it seem so easy. Better than taking responsibility for your own miserable life, I suppose.

I can't imagine the thought process of going through with sending repeated "karma's a bitch" letters with catshit in it, or being the neighborhood loud mouth, maybe knowing full well you're the shittiest parent in the metro. It might be entertaining to figure out said "thought-process" (if there's even thinking involved), but, yeah. That happened.

a new hope?

2011-07-17T13:09:00.000-05:00

Huh. One teleplay contest didn't pass me on to their Quarterfinals. I'm not really pissed off about it or anything, but it was disappointing to wonder for a few weeks what it might be like to be a Quarter- or Semi-Finalist. Just need to remind myself that my writing does not hinge on a contest to make or break me.

It was nice on Friday, though, to get an email responding to my query from Alloy Entertainment (the company behind "Gossip Girl" and "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants"). Not my cup of tea, but the company focus on young women and teens, along with acquiring properties of such books and media, makes me a little hopeful. One of their divisions, The Collective, requested the pilot of "MechaWest"- though it seems that this division has a focus more on taking stories and books, then converting these into television or film (and other related media). So, I guess that's nice. My premise must have been interesting enough to whet their whistle, or they just need to do their due diligence and look at anything that might sell. Either way, mission accomplished. The last 6 months of intermittent solicitation and education have culminated into something tangible. I added a BLUE color code category on my MechaWest Submission Spreadsheet. WHITE= no response yet, YELLOW= not sure about this one, RED= no unsolicited/ not interested, GREEN= Synopsis/Query sent. BLUE= pilot sent for consideration! Ding, ding, ding!

I'm proud of my pilot, and have worked really hard on it. I'm glad someone that has some power (and hopefully desire) to manifest a possible production this piece can really do so. The likelihood is slim, but we creative types always cling to that which seems impossible. If we gave up on the "impossible", nothing would ever get done.

Put that in your pipe-dream and smoke it!

2011-03-23T11:27:00.001-05:00

It's amazing what an unsolicited submission through a Canadian animation production company can do for your demeanor.

I'm surprised that I ran across several of these in my research- companies willing to look at one's unsolicited untried synopsis just through an email submission. Having it be through email must cut down on tears and rants over the phonelines, to be sure.

Otherwise my recent inquiries have gone unanswered. I'm sure a few will be a matter of time, but I will have to brace myself and actually get on the phone to them. Yes, Canada too.

But, the hunt has become a fun thing to do. And the small glimmer of hope that a call or a quick view of my synopsis will trigger a "ting!" in someone's head to inspire them to request my pilot fills me with a creative energy making me want to keep going.

The second wind at Mile 11. Except I don't know how long this marathon is.

Bored to tears

2011-02-18T13:49:00.000-06:00

Maybe it's the Charlie Parker jazz coming through my speakers, but I am finding it hard to get moving today. Trouble is there's not much to move towards, work-wise in any case. The clock slowly ticks until I can go home, and Facebook, email and tepid research just isn't cutting it today.

I was politely rejected by a production company yesterday, which is all right. But I am daunted by what it's going to take to get my work out there and sell it.

I'm entering a few contest soon and submitting a spec script to Nickelodeon for their Writing Program, but I have to get real and produce more work instead of hinging my pipe-dreams onto these few and far between "clothespins of hopeful happiness". Just saying. I know I need to continue to work and work and work at it.

Mantra: "It's never too late".

-or-

"What do they know?"

Why I am not a Salesman...

2011-01-23T17:43:00.000-06:00

I had dinner with an old friend the other night. He asked me what I was working on lately and I told him about "MechaWest".

If there was a more incompetent show pitch, then I don't know about it. He listened well enough, but, man, I felt like I was all over the place talking about my story. It was silly, and it reminded me that if and when I ever get the opportunity to pitch my pilot, I better be a world more lucid than I was at dinner.

At least I was enthusiastic.

My dad was, and still is, a salesman of electrical supplies for about 40 years. And a homebody; not a big storyteller. He believes in his products though, and he wouldn't sell anything otherwise.

I need to take a lesson here, and practice, practice, practice. And actually script it out (I used to be an actor afterall). Better yet, my brewery tour guide experience might serve me better; you know, follow the outline and speak to your tour group, taking them on the journey of a lifetime.

And play them with beer samples afterwards. That couldn't hurt, either.

Three Week Break!

2010-12-18T09:35:00.000-06:00

Today marks the start of my three weeks away from work! I'll rest up, finish Christmas shopping (very little to do, as my family and I always go for the small gift exchange), and generally lounge around the house.

I was thinking that creativity would be a hallmark of my time off, but the threat of MAME ROMs discovered last night looked me square in the eye and kept me occupied until 2:00 am -for you young folks, that's pretty late for me MAME is a game system that can take .zip files of the codes for classic video games and put them on your personal computer. I've had PacMan, Donkey Kong, etc. for a long while now, but only did a search for ones that didn't work before last night. Cyberball, Tron, Disks of Tron and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom will keep me occupied while the cats nap nearby on these cold winter days.

I'll endeavor to be creative, and finances will dictate if I can have my MechaWest pilot professionally read this month or next, but I feel good about where it's at. I may jump into another episode and outline the one that introduces Maggie.

If you happen to read this, and I'm not sure if anyone will in any case, but have a very happy holiday season, enjoy your time off from school, work, etc. and relish in family friends and other loved ones. I plan to do just that!

The Insomnia Caper

2010-11-08T06:46:00.002-06:00

Woke up at two-thirty in the A.M. with "monkey mind" (you know, all the horrible thoughts that prevent you from going back to sleep. If you make it past 3:48 am, then you're golden, apparently). I went to bed early enough last night due to a headache and now I am fairly functional for my day job.

The blessing is that I finished a new scene for my "MechaWest" pilot in the wee hours this morning. I'm several drafts into this, and wasn't happy with the overall layout or getting to the gist of the adventure at hand. These several scenes help cut to the chase; my only fear is that they may be a bit too long. I'll let it marinate today and move on like I should.

Speaking of which, I am a writer. My only works displayed thus far on DA have been character commissions for the most part. I'm more than a little reluctant to post my drafts of MechaWest, being unfinished and all. I'd really like to find something worthy of display that I can truly call my own. Something in writing. Something.

Already getting ideas, but I have to make my lunch for today. Later!

Business casual doesn't cover it

2010-11-01T06:06:00.000-05:00

Dreamed last night that I was going to speak to writers at the Robert McKee seminar. I made my way down into the auditorium and up on to the stage. I asked two audience members if there was anyone in charge; they didn’t know. I went to center stage and discovered two large wooden podiums and a table with food and water. I turned one of the podiums to suit my needs, and the doors in the wings burst open, revealing Robert McKee and his entourage marching right towards me.

“You,” began one of the minions. “Get off of the stage. And take that tie off!” I was indeed wearing a shirt and tie.

“I appreciate what you’re trying to do,” McKee began, “But you’ll have to leave now.”

Then I woke up.

At least I had clothes on, I suppose. That would have been embarrassing.

The truth will set you free

2010-10-03T17:24:00.002-05:00

Nine years ago I attended Shakespeare & Company for a month-long intensive training program. I had enjoyed performing Shakespeare in the past, and the magazine ad that I came across had promised a "connection" of sorts. As it turns out, the six-day-a-week 14 hour days were exactly what I needed. I was surrounded by artists that were looking for something, searching for meaning in what they doing. Most of us had performed Shakespeare to one extent or another, but never this way before. Absorbing the text and using breath and movement to really embody one of the greatest playwrights in the English language was not a pretentious self-serving exercise, but rather a way to touch the depths as he intended. For four weeks we were eliminating the bullshit and affectation. We got to what was true, as everything I felt that I performed before was a lie. That was how powerful the training was.

I haven't been on stage in a long time. I haven't auditioned or had the ambition to pursue much of anything in regards to live performance. I wasn't reading plays. I wasn't going to see plays. I slowly but surely was past caring. I wasn't being cast, and I wasn't doing what it took to be cast. I was lost.

I wrote a screenplay as an artistic outlet. I was convinced that it had merit, if not, just a little work. A friend of mine savaged it, and it was the best artistic gift I had received in a long time. I was shocked, but not insulted; I knew that his words had merit. It was a real wake-up call. I wrote dialogue with the intention that it would form my story and make cinema magic. What I wrote was mediocre, at best. I was reaching for something with the hopes that it would substitute for my acting career that ground to a halt. It didn't, and wouldn't with the way I was going.

My friend recommended that I read Story by Robert McKee. I purchased it soon after, and devoured McKee's demands. Like most other writers, I was writing from the "outside in", not the most effective way of "inside out". A story told with no desire and artificial conflict was not a story; it was crap. I was inspired to do better. I knew that I could.

When Robert McKee himself was wrangled by an old pupil of his to come to my town for his four-day seminar, I had to go, despite the expense. And that's what I did for the last four days. Why not? I worked it out previously with my new job and had the vacation time. My new new creative endeavor deserved it.

It was inspiring, to say the least- punctual curmudgeon laying out what he thought was important to not just writing, but the art of telling a great story. It enhanced my understanding of the book and energized my project again. I felt like I could really do this, with insight and energy.

I brought my book, without realizing McKee would be willing to autograph them. By Day 2 I had the courage to approach him at a break for his signature. He was gracious, as he was with all of us. I told him that his book was "a real slap in the face" for me. He smiled obligingly while signing his name and catch phrase:

"Write the Truth".

The Freshest Kid in Town

2010-09-23T14:57:00.000-05:00

The job is going well enough. I've been at it a week and just learned how to add pre-approved exam questions for the Nursing Department. A big weight off of my shoulders.

It's nice to be relatively interactive with people again. Despite not having the freedom to put on the headphones and zone out performing menial computer tasks, I like the faculty vibe. Everyone so far has been very helpful with the variety of tasks that I've had to absorb this last week. I'm sure that there's more to come, but I feel like I can tackle most everything handed out.

Next week, I have the Robert McKee Seminar. It hasn't hit me yet, what with all the job and schedule changes, but I am excited to have four days devoted solely to writing. I plan on looking again at Story to refamiliarize myself with content this weekend (apparently he loosely follows this book as a syllibus).

I really want to have the energy to devote a bit more time to MechaWest. I have the website, but no content. I have the pilot, but no series. I have the research, but no application. It never seems like enough, even after a great day of writing and plotting. When it happens, that is. Seems like writers that I aspire to be like all have insomnia. Never had it; probably never will.

In the immediate future, I'd like to:

1. Get some renderings of Sadie and Maggie.
2. (Continue to) plot out the series of 8 episodes
3. Flesh out and outline episode 3 as a possible "pilot" (as it introduces my favorite character- Maggie).
4. Get a good book on writing for television.

Of Painting and Perverts

2010-09-06T18:43:00.000-05:00

We spent the day painting inside. And we're exhausted. I had to get over my fear of heights, as I purchased a 4 foot step-ladder from Home Depot in order to get at the high entryway. Upon reflection, I think the real fear was losing balance and tumbling down the stairs, having no real gripping point. I got over being a baby about it, and covered the wall with "Basketry". Our townhome will kick some ass; one step at a time.

Writing "MechaWest" coming along, slowly but surely. The pilot has gone through it's second draft, but I'm not 100% happy with it. Trouble is that I'm not sure what's lacking right now. But I plan on sending it to someone who can tell me how bad it is in a few weeks That ought to show me that it's bad to have lofty dreams! Why can't I just get a job, hippie? I've been spending more time formulating the first season anyway, and making the first steps in consulting with a historian and a script reader. It makes it all the more real for me.

Fascinated by "To Catch a Predator". Those poor underage solicitors being exploited by Chris Hansen like that! It's a downright shame! Does he have to mention that they all send pictures of their junk over the net? There ought to be a law... 8-O

Not sure what's up for Labor Day. Hopefully, anything but... (labor)

grief in waves

2010-08-27T14:09:00.001-05:00

This week has been tough. I've has a heck of a time in trying to write, especially since Wednesday. I've decided to cut myself some slack, given all that has transpired.

It's nothing unmanageable, in fact, time will take care of it all, which is a point of relief. I plot a course and follow it.

On Wednesday I was informed that with the budget cuts pending at the state level, my job is at risk of being eliminated, should someone higher up on the union seniority list "bump" me out. It's not a foregone conclusion, and I took the news rather well, truthfully. A work mistake later upset me; not enough to make me storm out, but realizing about a third of my work for the day was lost drove me into a simmering laconic state.

I arrived home to find my wife lying on the couch with our sick cat on her stomach. She had been with my wife for most of her nearly 18 years. She was chatty, loved to play "blanket monster" when we changed the bedsheets, and lay out on our deck with the cool breeze blowing through the oak tree nearby. In the last few months she had been reduced to wearing small diapers, as renal failure had began to take over. We administered regular doses of saline solution into her neck as a means of keeping her hydrated. A special diet of medicinal food gave her nutrients to compensate for her ever-failing kidneys. For the last few months, and by all accounts, she was a happy, healthy cat that was a little wobbly at times, but still leapt up onto the couch to be with her momma. The diapers and saline inhections were just everyday occurences.

Wednesday morning we noticed a change right away. Our kitty was very imbalanced, and took to lying in the corner of the living room. Her head wobbled drunkenly, and moving was very difficult. I called our animal hospital and spoke to a vet there. She told us that if she was still eating that she was in pretty good shape. She prescribed an appetite stimulant and said that we could increase our administration of saline to once a day. That news made Amy feel better, as it did for me. Her symptoms were not going to get miraculously better, but we felt that this was a temporary setback. We both went to work, and I would pick the stimulant up tonight after my state job.

I arrived home from my temporary job at 12:30. Our cat was in the living room corner, sleeping peacefully. She awoke when I arrived home- she was still weak. I phoned my wife who asked that I call to update- our cat apparently had not moved from her spot all morning. I opened the deck door. Our other cat bounded out to greet the sunny day. Sick kitty eventually got up, wobbled to the door entrance and settled for lying down. I helped her up and out onto the deck. During the course of the aftenoon she moved around from place to place, taking naps and trying to get comfortable. This time was normally reserved as "no diaper time". Outside, a mess can be cleaned up much more easily with boiled water or t.p. We gave her a break from the uncomfortable struggles of having to fit her tail though the pet diaper hole and making sure that the fit was snug enough. I can't remember a time when I might have had the task of diapering a child- I'd have to wait for my little kitty who detested it at first, but was becomming increasingly used to idea. I hated to bring her in for the afternoon. She was so calm and relaxed.

I arrived home from my awful day, knowing full well that my cat was probably near death. I didn't and I still haven't told my wife about my job situation as of yet. Kitty was calm on her momma's stomach; she hadn't expressed much of an interest in eating or drinking when we were with her. We kept her on our couch, speculated on her health and were coming to the terms of having to end her life. What made it difficult was the lack of pain she was having. Her terrible weakness was her enemy as of late. We still had to face the decision sooner or later. I was exhausted and emotionally drained; we curled up in our day clothes on the living room floor beneath the couch where our kitty lay down and fell into an unsettled sleep.

My night was fitful, pierced with half-dreams and thoughts of the pictures of the Victorian dead posed in lifelike manners (my sister had sent me a link earlier that day and I couldn't help but look). These were often the only pictures that anyone would have of the children and workers featured in them, preserving what memories they had.

I awoke to the sound of scratching. I saw my kitty's hind leg above me kicking, her little claws scraping at the cushion fabric. It was the most vigorous that she'd moved at all in the last 24 hours. I turned on the lamp light and went to her. My wife still slept below. Kitty was stretched out, her head pointing up towards the back cushions. I thought that she might not be able to breathe there, so I gently guided her head to the side. I rested my head next to hers, petting her side and looking her in the eyes.

"It's OK to go, baby. It's OK."

She was gasping for air, her pupils dialated. She growled, in a manner that reminded me of the marathons I've finished. A last push right before the end. I idly stood to check the time, wondering if the vet's office would be open soon. I grabbed my glasses and went into the kitched. 4:17 AM. When I returned, my wife had taken my place, looking into her eyes and petting her side.

"I think she's gone."

For many long minutes we sat there, speculating if she was just breathing weakly or if she was really gone. It took about 10 minutes for the notion to sink in. The movement of her fur had not betrayed any life that she might have left in her little body. In the previous weeks she looked as though she had gained a little weight; ounces, not pounds. But now there was this thin little grey-striped body lying peacefully on our couch. She was truly gone from us.

We cried. We sat in silence. We shared memories as the sun slowly rose up, lighting up our deck. Her body was stiff from rigor now, and her eyes were ever dryer, gently lolling back into her head. We called the vet's office to share the news; we were to bring her in to have her cremated. Her little paw prints would be preserved forever in bronze.

We brought her in through the side door, wrapped in one of our old bath towels. The receptionist came around and hugged my wife. "I always seem to be here when this happens to you". My wife smiled, still holding our cat and standing in the tech area hallway. We filled out the necessary forms in a nearby check-up room, kitty lying on the exam table. Once finished, I got the attention of a vet nearby. She looked familiar to us, and apparently had diagnosed our other cat who had passed with his affliction. She entered our exam room, greeted by my teary wife. We were ready to let her go. I kissed kitty on the cheek as did my wife. The vet gently touched kitty's head and regarded her. This had a profound effect on me. Whether it was the fact that this would soon be the last time we'd see our baby, or perhaps the fact that this pall-bearer had the decency to respect our pet in such a manner before gathering her up in her blanket and taking her to her holding area I don't know. Perhaps both. We left hurriedly the way we came in.

Since yesterday, we've kept our minds occupied by television, good and bad programs. I called in sick to both work places and took a nice nap in the afternoon.

My wife, at work, is having a hard time of it. But she doesn't want to be home right yet. I don't blame her. It's lonely here. My other cat is a savior, in his own little way; his goofy demeanor takes me away from my sulking. But I still have the sense that she is out there on the deck with him, laying out underneath the deck table, or hiding in the corner far enough out of reach to make it difficult for "diaper time", or laying on the bed waiting for momma to get home. But she's not there; the phantom pain reminds me of that, fresh as it is.

Maybe the Victorians had something right. Despite the gastly nature of taking pictures of the recently departed and displaying them for family, they so badly wanted the memory of it. This frailty and finality can only be counterbalanced by anything the living can get a hold of: pictures, memories, religion and spirituality. And to think that such a little soul as my little gray tabby cat can conjure up these evocative questions of existence.

These little precious memories I have. This secret little world of "blanket monster", feeding time and her final moments as I look into her eyes belong to me and me alone. This little soul touched me so much in the last 9 years that it puts all the problems and pettiness in my life to shame. The fact that I got to be there with her when she went is one of the most sublime happenings that will replay in my mind for years to come. We will truly miss her. I will truly miss her.

The Path to Glory...?

2010-08-14T08:55:00.001-05:00

I live in a blissful ignorance sometimes. My two spec script drafts are as finished as I can get them, at least for right now. I'm pretty happy with both, despite the Venture Bros. script being 40 pages long. This might actually do, as industry "standard" for comedy scripts is 35 (according to Nick, anyway). Besides, it's not about the length so much as it is about character, voice and emulation of the series. I think that I should rest on the fact that I've finished two drafts in two months, and that I will have these read by someone in the future who can comment on them with a critical eye. I can always fiddle around with them and sharpen them as long as the series is still active.

So, with that said, I must move on with MechaWest development. Reading "Wishcraft" has opened some things up for me. Barbara Sher shares much with Jack Canfield on the idea of charting your path. An early exercise gave me the very obvious idea of contacting local animation companies to get some insight on how the industry works from their vantage point. Most of the work lies in commercials and industrials, but one company in particular (with offices in Minneapolis and L.A.) stated that they've had three shows optioned. Whether these were through partnerships or in-house staff I'm not sure, thus the clarity I lack on this matter.

I called and spoke to a laid-back guy at the company, saying that I sent an email earlier in the week and that I was following up. I was actually nervous about calling, and I'm still unclear as to why. I explained myself with as coherrant a manner as I could muster, and the guy said he would look for my email, take my info and give it to someone so that I could have a conversation about the industry. It probably helped that earlier in the day I made about 50 calls to elementary schools for NTC, booking free shows for the fall- I needed to be clear and "sell" myself through this inexplicable nervousness I felt. "No worries, man" the guy explained as we were ending our conversation. There might be possibilities with these artist hipsters after all.

A practice run at a show-pitch is what I may aim for. You know, for when I do the real thing.

Charting the course

2010-08-07T20:34:00.004-05:00

Reading "Wishcraft" is a real trip. As a book determined to help you realize your goals, it sure could stand for an update. No references to email or the internet, as it was written in 1979. It reminds me of Sagan's "Dragons of Eden" (there's a fascinating new game that is able to mimic physics- it's called 'Pong'...). The message still rings true regardless.

I am in the process of making a flow chart to realize my dream of producing "MechaWest" (or more likely having "MechaWest" produced). I've come up with some great ideas and clarifications in how that could be realized, and the negativity is being swept away. The part about creating the series and having it produced still demands a connection. There's actually more to it than getting an agent who will get me a producer who then will get me my show produced; that's one branch still floating around on its own. I don't know why this is all so challenging to lay out, but perhaps my right and left brains are squabbling over how to do it. I'm close, but it's no cigar just yet. When it becomes coherrant, I'll make it pretty and place it on the official MechaWest Mosaic Board.

Going to have a glass of wine with my wife now.

Dreary Day 2: Cruise Control

2010-07-30T09:05:00.002-05:00

Once again it's raining. I'll be able to break the day by going out and buying a few things. Errands, as it were.

I'm also finishing the first draft of my spec script today- right on schedule. It's not looking bad, but comedy is, well, subjective. What's funny to me may not be funny to James Urbanik and Doc Hammer. However, if I can clean it up, I just may have something. Clean, clean, clean...

My paycheck from the State was a litle larger than expected, due to the three paychecks in July instead of the usual two- meaning that health and dental deductions were skipped this time. Not a lot of money, but enough of a cushion to have a little fun. Or Taco Bell. Or, sometimes both.

Looking forward to seeing my friends tomorrow. Isolation isn't working for me, so any excuse to get out of the suburbs and connect with old friends is valuable.

dreary day doldrums

2010-07-22T08:51:00.002-05:00

It's raining out this morning. Which is good, as it takes away the task of watering the perenial garden today, but it increases my feeling of isolation. I've also noticed that I still cling a bit to some arrested development, though I'm not committed to it. For instance, I've been avoiding researching trade publications and industry information in regards to writing. I'm just working on spec script number 2 and will take the next step soon, perhaps in coming up with a third one.

But (the big "but") I've officially registered for the Robert McKee "Story" Seminar coming to St. Paul this fall. I'm excited about it, and I really feel that it's going to open things up for me; creatively, that is. I doubt I'll become wealthy and famous here. An auditorium full of wanna-be writers ain't going to make or break anyone or anything. However, I should get some business cards just for the sake of it.

Today, I plan to write a draft of Act 1 of my spec script. I've been waddling through the fleshed-out draft all this week, and still don't have a few specifics, so I'm going to forge ahead anyway.

Back in the Saddle

2010-07-15T07:31:00.000-05:00

It's been awhile, but I've decided to start blogging again. I'm planning on redesigning my blogspot site and making it all very different. Glad that when I first deleted it Google saved it "just in case".

Looking at what lights me up lately, it sure ain't theatre. When asked about it, I've had to say on more than one occasion that I have a "love/hate relationship with theatre". Well, now we're separated and trying to live without one another. Plus I'm seeing someone else for the time being- the muse named "writing".

I haven't felt this fulfilled creatively in a long time. Amy pushed me to finish my first spec script to submit to the ABC Writing Program. I wasn't sure that I'd finish with a decent piece to mail to them, but with Amy's eye and great questions I redrafted and came up with a (I feel) competent 61 page spec script of "Dexter". I plan to go back, tweak it and get clarity on some elements in it's design, but overall I'm happy with where it's at in this stage of it's evolution.

Next up, a comedy script. Although I think "Dexter" is at heart a "dark comedy", I think I need something more blantantly comedic. I have a rough outline of something I've been marinating for awhile, so that will be spec script number two. More later on that one.

End of the Line

2010-03-27T09:16:00.001-05:00

I think that this blog has served its personal purpose. I spewed out enough angst where it really has only mattered to me and me only. I am ready to move on from all that. This all now seems trite and rather boring. Just one more thing to maintain with some ounce of integrity. Stupid really. Why I'm even writing this is beyond me; only really for my own purging.

Thinking alot about acting lately and if I'll ever go back to it. I think I will to some degree, but without the pipe dreams and self-delusion. I never really served it or gave it the vision it deserved. And it deserves a lot. And I've learned a lot from it.

I had a dream last night about getting a letter back from Adult Swim commenting on my submission. "Interesting" was the tagline, and little else. I flipped the letter over and there was a listing of the different kinds of options they offer for material, as if I was being considered for one.

I also dreamed that the Vikings drafted a quarterback.

Maybe one of these will come to fruition.

Locomotive Breath

2010-03-09T18:20:00.001-06:00

I got rid of the headshot/resume that was linked to this site. It didn't make much sense in keeping it any longer.

I'm thinking about taking a film production class or two. If this writing thing sticks in my head and the notion to keep going is overwhelming, I should invest some time and money into furthering my education.

With that, I'm also thinking about starting a production company of sorts. Nothing major; I just want to register my business name with the state and county, and buy a website name. When things start moving, that is. I feel like they want to, anyway.

Submitted my idea to Adult Swim two weeks ago. I am letting fate take it where it goes, and have already begun a new (similar) project. About a third of the way through my first draft of a pilot episode. I expect nothing to take fruition, as I am content in laying out inspired action onto the (electronic) page.

Amy and I are aming to go up to Duluth again to run in Grandma's Marathon. Ample time to train, and the rain is slowly melting the snow away today. For safe, non-icy outdoor running.

Good Vibrations

2010-02-13T09:53:00.000-06:00

I am excited by writing lately. Which is definitely a good thing, considering I have more time during the day now that my overtime option has been taken away by Human Resources. It's concerning, but I'm not scared. I take solace knowing that I'm doing everything responsible to ensure my financial security, as well as immersing myself in the Wealth Beyond Reason material that Amy picked up not long ago. It is fascinating, and relieving to feel more at peace with everything going on. And she's been a great support in not condemning me in my current situation.

So I feel pretty good considering my part-time status. I feel like I am headed on a path now that feels right, and not so forced as doing theatre felt. And there's nothing wrong with feeling right. Dammit.

Still training for the marathon, despite recent setbacks of flu and colds. I have yet to run 5 miles, but that might be coming tomorrow at the gym. A schedule of where I'd like to be should follow soon.

Also ordered "Story" by Robert McKee on Vinson's recommendation. I can't wait to delve into that. I might feel like a real writer for a change. It's a pretty big book though. And hardcover...

Stop Making Sense

2010-01-19T15:49:00.000-06:00

I have been pretty stupified lately on how and why certain people don't get back on my inquiries? I'm getting disgruntled about my puppetry thing and am tired of putting it into other people's hands.

Also heard from HOTB's Education Director regarding the teaching mentorship thing- of course I wasn't selected. What irked me though was that the email came with others named in the CC: line from her personal email account. "We decided to only interview those with puppetry experience." Um, I HAVE PUPPETRY EXPERIENCE. I think that's bogus and feel stymied by those that don't really get it. Or maybe I just don't get it.

I've always had an issue with others making decisions for me- I let it happen far too frequently. I stifle myself if it's left up to me though.

Something has to shift.

applications

2009-12-19T10:08:00.000-06:00

I applied (last-minute) for In the Heart of the Beast's teacher training. It could be the boost I would need to get my little toes wet in the water of puppetry. Training, shadowing, a cool opportunity I think, and a chance to eventually end up on their roster. I would like it very much.

I also accepted a part-time permanent job here at CIU. Good benefits and I think I can make this work for the meanwhile.

Ah. for the meanwhile.

I got the sick

2009-11-24T16:37:00.000-06:00

I went home after working an hour and a half today. I've had an upset stomach since Friday, and the usual side effects took place. Today was pretty bad as well, and every half hour until about 1:00 pm resulted in an excruciating stomach ache. A flu symptom perhaps, but I made the right call in leaving work- the first time in my nearly 6 months there. At least I'm not vomiting; I'll take a stomach ache any day over puking.

I did get to catch up on a lot of On Demand, though. Some paranormal fun like alien abductions and vampires. Oh, and Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) was in the mix. A CLASSIC.

Writing is going well too. Everyday so far without fail. Lately, I've been plodding through a first draft of Wendigo! for a potential half-hour puppet theatre piece. It's coming along well enough and shaping into something tangible. Bunraku and shadow puppets will tell the story. It's a simple telling of the legend so far, but I'm having fun putting it together.

Which continues the question for me: "What the hell am I doing with theatre?" Ugh. I hate it. So challenging, but it's that whole purging thing. If I don't do it, it'll bother me that I didn't. Argh. My stigma, of course, is that if I complete the purge, it'll cost me $500.

Better to ache than to purge...?

3:48 Psychosis

2009-11-18T12:45:00.000-06:00

It's odd what comes out of the brain in the early morning hours, and then into the laptop. A couple of goofy sketches that will probably go nowhere, but they serve the purpose of my writing exercises. One is very Monty Python inspired, the other more Kids in the Hall. Undeveloped, but they give me a chuckle.

I feel fat lately. It's been almost 5 months since I've run any distance whatsoever.

The Cymbeline reading was fun. I hope to do another one soon, or perhaps even a play.

I am tired of the "come see my play" notices I get through email and Facebook. It makes me jealous and crabby. I mean, I want to see your show, but Christ it reminds me of my own inadequate theatre career that I haven't put to permanent rest. Meaning, I haven't found that other thing I love to do. The thought makes me tired and crabby.

Not entirely unhappy, but crabby.

2009-11-12T12:37:00.000-06:00

Still writing. I am actually finding it rewarding to be creating something from scratch that has no real bearing on something I will submit, ever have read or published. There's no pressure to have any deadline, just add to something, write down a dream and call it a day.

Speaking of which... I slept in yesterday (no work as it was Veteran's Day). I was having that dream about acting where I don't know my lines and I can't ever remember having a rehearsal. But I am waiting in the wings of the State Theatre in Eau Claire, getting ready to come on as some flamboyant character in a 2 man play, apparently as part of a short play festival. I think I must have been the oldest one there, as the group that went before me on the messy stage were giggling highschool girls. My acting partner went on and started the scene.

I decided not to experience the terror of whatever might come out of my mouth and woke up. A little bit of lucidity- enough to wake up, in any case. Apparently, there's an African tribe that teaches one to control their dreams. Now that would be a day-starter...

Yesterday off was good. A cleaner garage, two job applications mailed/submitted and a smattering of video games made for a good day.

Oh, and writing. I keep adding to a story about a theatre tech guy who makes himself homeless and stays at the theatre where he works. Not great prose, but it serves my 30 day exercise. No expectations or pressure- it flows pretty well once I get going.

homework

2009-11-04T20:56:00.000-06:00

I listened in on a Jack Canfield conference call today (of "Chicken Soup for the Soul" fame). Every first Wednesday of the month, Jack answers pre-submitted questions at lunchtime, often referring listeners to his "Success Principles" book (which I own). Lots of food for thought- often overwhelming- perhaps intentionally.

Jack also gives a homework assignment to try for the coming month. This time he said to try and form or break a habit by doing it everyday for 30 days. Just one habit, like not drinking soda or biting your fingernails for 30 days. Or, perhaps playing guitar for 15 minutes a day or jogging, everyday for 30 days.

I'm going to try writing. Anything. Whatever I feel like- whether it's the screenplay, or a lost "Among the Oats" episode, or perhaps blogging like I am now. Everyday, to form a new habit or discipline.

I'm game. I enjoy it enough to try it. I'll let you know how it goes. Whoever you are.

Pathetic... to be sure....

2009-10-29T12:05:00.000-05:00

Wow, a month and a half without an entry. Lame blog alert! My fan-base of 4 must be quite upset with me.

I had my first audition in months at the History Theatre this last Sunday. I could tell that it didn't go well when all they had available to read was a part for a 20 year old and the Father. Just as I was getting ready to read with my third scene partner, the director said "Oh, we don't need to see him read again". Nice. I read anyway, as I was the only one remotely close to 20 years old to read the part. Got to see a few people I hadn't seen in a while in the lobby in any case.

Amy is on the brink of accepting a new full-time job, and I think she will be alot happier. She puts me to shame- getting up at 4:30 am everyday to go to the gym for the last 3 weeks. I haven't hit a treadmill or a street since the marathon. I need to activate myself. It might cause some changes for the good.

Proposed a goofy idea to Jason Hall, "Oats" author. He seems interested- more later.

Wrote a goofy germinal sketch idea inspired by IFC's new Monty Python biopic series. "Almost the Truth". One of those 3:30 am "I can't sleep and my head won't let me rest" inspirations. It was fun to right down the idea with no strings attached or expectations. Not like the screenplay, which sits untouched. That will change in time.

Keeping a lookout for a good permanent job still. "I will become more strategic as the year winds down", I keep promising myself. The current salary ain't cutting it.

No hope dashed

2009-09-16T12:38:00.000-05:00

I just had a friend of mine read my first completed screenplay, titled "Pets". He shread it to little bits.

And I am thankful for it.

In his critique, he reminded me of structure, caring about the characters and grabbing the reader's/viewer's attention in the first 10 pages/minutes. My screenplay had none of these elements, really. But I'm glad that I wrote it.

I know I'm not alone in my assessment of art, especially given my theatre background, but I have become complacent and lazy as of late. And I recognize it when I see it too. I have become bitter and angry at my own lack of excitement and passion for most of what I have done lately that it really shows up in the rest of my life and career. My own inability to see that has inhibited me.

So, I'm committed to something different. I'm glad to see things a little clearer.

That duplication machine works great!

2009-07-26T12:58:00.000-05:00

This is Licorice. He's not replacing Quentin, but he sure resembles him. He needed a home. We are very glad to have him.

He is silly. We love him.

And that's the way it is

2009-07-17T20:40:00.001-05:00

I never thought that I'd miss him this much.

July 21, 1995 - July 17, 2009

Done and one

2009-06-26T12:59:00.000-05:00

I did it. I finished the marathon. “Finished” being the keyword there. It was grueling, not just because of the 26.2 mile length, but because of the 92 degree temperature it reached. Black flags lined the course to warn runners that the conditions for this marathon were at their most risky. I saw people in med-tents along the way breathing heavily into oxygen masks, crying that they had to stop. Two young women were helping each other along the way; “Keep moving, a few more miles and it will be cooler, I promise”. Needless to say, it didn’t get cooler. One good cool breeze hit the group I was with after about 5 miles. After that, there wasn’t much relief to be had from Superior.

I was thinking that I’d do a mile-by-mile log funny log of my marathon adventure, but I won’t. Just some highlights.

Race start:

Woke up before 5 am, drove to Two Harbors and arrived at about 6:15. Took a bus from a local grocery store to the start line. Lots of porta-potties and 8000 people to use them (not that they didn't- more later). We all lined up according to where we thought we might finish time-wise. I chose the 5 hour mark. National Anthem. Blue Angels flying overhead. "Chariots of Fire" and "Star Trek: TNG" theme. Waves of runners poured forward, walking faster towards the start line. Then jogging. 6 minutes, 10 seconds on the clock when I cross. It has begun.

Miles 1-5:

About a dozen people are seen pissing on the side of the course as I run by. 11 men, 1 woman. Classy. No personal responsibility. Take care of business beforehand; I can't imagine being a property owner and watching idiots pissing on my lawn and on my bushes. Horray for Grandma's!

It is muggy. Not bad, but I can't wait for that Lake Superior breeze to come. Oh, there it is. Ahhhhhh.

Miles 6-13:

Making good time. The water stops are plentiful and necessary. The locals and volunteers are great. The running lines are starting to thin out. I try and pace myself with people I saw at the beginning of the race. I eventually lose sight of them, either passing them or they passing me. One man has a sign on his back: "50th State/ 100th Marathon".

No more breeze. Instead, a hot wind.

A younger dude starts a conversation with me. He's run a few of these. He is running for a 5 hour pace like me. He thinks it's cool that my first marathon is at 38 years of age. He says that he'll see me at the finish line.

I am starting to feel done. It is hot and muggy with no real relief.

Mile 14:

A bug flies in my mouth. It takes 4 attemps to spit it out as it claws into my tongue. Gross. A guy running with his wife notices me spitting and shares a chuckle.

"A bug flew in my mouth."

"Well, at least you got your protein today."

"I'm a vegetarian."

"Ha ha."

"Hah hah."

Mile 15-20:

More stopping to walk. Water feels good when I pour it over my head; shocking, really. I see a woman crying in a med-tent as she breathes with an oxygen mask with her boyfriend by her side. Another young woman keeps stopping as her friend tries to coax her to run "a few more miles, then it will get cooler". In retrospect, it doesn't.

Mile 21:

My mind is going... I can feel it....

Mile 22-23:

A blur. I know that stopping entered my head about 3 times, but I gain a bit of running strength by walking most of the time, with 100 yard jaunts in between.

Mile 24:

The 5:30 pace people pass me. The woman leading them doesn't shut up, but skillfully guides her group in between walking and running. We are on the outskirts of Duluth and are about to climb a small bridge into downtown. I try to keep pace with the 5:30 people, but I eventually decide that it's too much to do. I let them go on up ahead as I come to terms that I am finishing this thing slower than what I anticipated.

Mile 25:

I am in downtown Duluth. Running for a block, and walking for a block. The locals are great at cheering the runners on. I stay away from the college kids giving free beer bong shots to runners. Too much. I'll enjoy a beer later.

Mile 26:

Final stretch. I am running more now. I watched Amy come in along this stretch 2 years ago, so I know that the end is near. I feel more energy knowing I am almost done. A photographer sitting above the course snaps my photo.

Final Stetch and Finish:

I pace myself by walking a bit, but wanting to finish strong. I hear a local shout "Only a block to go!". I start to run. Under the bridge and around the corner to the left as the course winds around the lake front. Fans line the sides of the final 100 yard stretch. I bolt down the course and hear my name along with others announced over the loudspeakers.

And we're done. I get a medal around my neck and photo snapped. I greet Amy, get a nice little kiss and sit down on the curb by her despite the fence barrier in between us. I drink water and get a granola bar that the woman next to Amy who's waiting for her husband gives me. Delicious. Glad it's over.

We hobble over towards the car ramp, but not before we stop to enjoy a root beer and a giant peanut butter cup at the local chocolate shoppe. I think I've burned enough calories to enjoy it. Later, I see through a skyway window a billboard outside with the temperature on it.

92 degrees. Ignorance is bliss.

Will I do this again? Well, dammit, I just HAVE to beat that 5 hour mark...

one more before the big 'un

2009-06-14T11:00:00.000-05:00

Beautiful weekend. I spent it yesterday doing a 5 mile run along the river trail near the old Lilydale Club. Lots of people biking along there; Amy thought that there might be an event to go along with it. One thing I don't get is people talking on their cell phones riding at a breakneck pace having a casual conversation. Jesus, can you put the damn thing away for a 45 minute ride? I don't get it. Once the bike is rigged up to explode by a mad terrorist and you can't stop riding below 20 miles an hour, THEN you can get on that cellphone...

I need to get some new padded soles for my running shoes today; I'll break them in this afternoon on my 4 mile run. Then that's it until Saturday. Just "recoup" this week. So far, the schedule hasn't failed me- I've been able to top out on my 22.5 mile run around the area a few Saturdays ago. That was hard, hilly and hot out. I am assured in that the Grandma's Marathon route is relatively flat up until near the end. Still, I am inexplicably nervous about it. Logically, I know I'll be fine, but not having a heavy-duty run in the last few weeks makes me feel ill-prepared. I'll put my trust in the schedule.

In other non-running events, there's not much to tell. My acting has fallen by the wayside. My screenplay, however, has been materializing at a steady pace. Now I am stuck on missing chracter and plot elements specific to the two main female characters and what their journey will be. I'll be more tenacious about it after the race.

Out garden has really been sprouting up, made mostly of perenials, we added cedar mulch yesterday. This gives the garden area a great smell, not that I can tell. Looks good though. And we have a special friend to watch over it...

little update

2009-05-13T19:29:00.000-05:00

I am writing more of the screenplay, particularly at lunch time. I've been averaging a scene per lunch hour.

The temp job is good thus far.

I ran 16 miles on Saturday (took almost exactly 3 hours). I just need to keep hydrated. 15 miles the week before was murder. No more mister tough guy.

I'd like to be more proctive in shaping my life. Whatever that means.

Let the good times roll

2009-05-01T19:54:00.000-05:00

I just posted some links to some short films I did a few years ago with Connie and Jesse. It sucks, because I really miss working with them. I always felt a weird connection to Connie's writing and was always game whatever they did. Most of the links go right to their webpage.

I watched them again last night. The material and filming is pretty raw, as they were a part of the annual 48 Hour Film contests. I remember never knowing what most of them were even going to be about, and getting a call at 6:30 am requesting that I bring a cookie jar or tight shorts or some other whacky prop if I had it. I really haven't done one since.

I made some stupid joke a few years ago, and they never really forgave me. They then moved away to live in Illinois. By the looks of their website, they seem to be plugging away on some new projects, but I always felt that their work deserved a larger audience. I was glad to be a part of it at the time. I should consider submitting/auditioning for some other projects once I get a feel for my new job.

New stuff

2009-04-30T20:32:00.000-05:00

I'm starting a new "temp" gig. My friend John forwarded me an email from a friend who works at MinnesotaCare. The Imaging Unit there is looking for help for about a 9 month period. I applied, had a phone interview and then was offered the job the next day. Very cool, as it means more pay and no more train (with 1 hour commute to and fro). I'll be starting earlier in the day, but getting out at 4:00. Sounds good to me. All I'm doing is running, lately.

Yes, well, I don't know anymore. I think I'm losing my grip on stage acting. I have no perspective on when or what my next stage project will be. I'm not sure that I even care. My options are limited, and I don't really feel like persuing it. I'm more interested in making a few more dollars an hour, and daydreaming about a time when I take the old wooden phone booth in my folks garage, cleaning it out, hauling it to Minnesota and using it for my lucraive voice over career. Day dreams, mind you...

I'm not sure that my agent wants to use my demo that I paid hundreds of dollars for already. The first attempt yielded mediocre results, in her opinion. So I made the adjustments that she suggested, and emailed her the MP3 version last week. I haven't heard anything from her besides an audition notice that I couldn't do. I plan to submit it to other agencies, as I feel that she doesn't care for the voiceover person I worked with to make my demo (at least that's what he says). I fear that I've been caught in between a weird ego struggle, and it makes me very uncomfortable. I want no part of it, and am waiting to hear if this is indeed the case. I like my agency, but I feel very green when it comes to something new like voiceovers. I also feel pretty stupid.

Maybe this whole thing is just not my cup of tea anymore. The trouble is that if I give it up, who and what am I? Have I wasted my last 20 years?

Halfway there

2009-04-18T21:13:00.000-05:00

Today I ran a half-marathon, as dictated by my schedule. Not a bad route, and I only stopped at a PDQ to grab a quick drink (I promised Amy I would). Two blisters on my left foot dictated that I needed new socks. The shoe was a bit tight too. Might need new ones before the race, which is two months away. This is the longest I have ever run at once.

My two auditions went well enough; the Old Log better than the Guthrie. I have a good repoire with Tom Stolz who was there; we chatted for a while afterwards. John Miller-Stephany was late and he looked bored. He did ask me about "Mr. Hulot's Holiday", which I did 12 years ago, so he was at least halfway engaged. Glad that it's over, though. The thank you card will be mailed soon.

The bathroom continues to be a source of never-ending work. The tiling is done, but other projects have emerged for which we are unprepared. One by one...

You Better Run, Run, Run

2009-04-05T10:50:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I ran "as scheduled" (which means I guessed the milage needed because for some reason this week of my marathon training schedule is cut off on the printed page). I am up to 8 miles, which didn't feel like 8 miles- not sure if it was because I ran a similar route in the same neighborhood last week- as it wasn't as grueling as I first made it out to be. Regardless, it's the longest I've ever run at any one time. So, I've broken the barrier. Next Saturday is 10 miles, so we'll see how we feel after that...

I did my voice demo last week, which was a good process. I'm never confident in my vocal quality, as I never really fully enjoy the way I sound, but my agent and recording coach seemed to think I was all right. 70 seconds of Jared. I am glad I did it, as it was always a market that I wanted to tap into. I still have the little fantasy of doing cartoon voices, so this is a step in the right direction. Or a step, in any case.

I also have a few (rare) auditions coming up. I'm taking a half-day off of work to audition for the Old Log generals next Monday, then later to observe a class at Stages Theatre. I'm still a theatre guy, right? That following Tuesday I need to call for my Equity slot at the Guthrie (finally!). I'm aiming for a Friday audition, as I can just hop the train on my lunch break and walk a few minutes to the site. No doubt I'll take more than my halfhour break to accomplish this, but so what, eh? I'll make up the time one way or another.

That's the latest. I'm still alive and kicking.

2009-03-19T22:19:00.000-05:00

I'm actually writing a screenplay. Wow, something completely original.

I'll also be adding my theatre resume and links to some short films and what-not that I've done over the last few years. See Jared in action, if you dare...

Me sound informed. Me sound independent.

2009-03-10T20:40:00.001-05:00

http://www.examiner.com/a-1892364~Seasons_pass_with_Minn__Senate_race_still_in_doubt.html

2009-03-05T19:53:00.000-06:00

I really need to stop thinking that my salvation lies in pipe-dreams and start thinking about what I really want to do.

2009-02-27T20:06:00.000-06:00

I'm starting write my screenplay that has been swimming around in my head for over a year now. The outline, anyway. Taking my laptop to work these last few days makes me feel creative. It'll be important to keep up with it and not shirk like I have been with my running schedule. Fie, for shame.

2009-02-18T19:22:00.000-06:00

As if I didn't have enough personal B.S. to worry about...

a little slide and bump into the cement median due to icy roads will cost me about $750 in tire repair. Such balance when a tax refund is around the corner.

laugh a minute

2009-02-14T16:24:00.000-06:00

I went to see "Unnecessary Farce" at the Old Log last night. My friends Sean and Emily Dooley were in it, and he comped me. He told me about 6 weeks ago that there was quite a bit of behind the scene strife going on; that one of the actresses had quit the show after alot of head butting with the director. Her replacement was pretty good, however. Everyone was very sharp, which was good to see. Even the chatterbox women sitting ahead of me didn't really bother me; they became part of the show. Had I actually paid for the show, I might have felt differently.

It was good to go back there. I saw Tim and Tom Stolz, each of whom had given me a big hug. It was almost exactly a year ago that I finished acting there for "Proposals", which I deemed a very good experience. I'd act there again in a heartbeat. I really felt like a professional actor there. People went there for a good time, and we delivered it to them. Good feeling.

Just went for another 5 mile run. Colder than I thought it would be, but as always it feels like I'm accomplishing something. That feeling of stiffness and the slight shallow "recovery breathing" that takes place afterwards for about an hour is a subtle reminder of this.

I managed to kill the Wizard of Yendor, but didn't get the Amulet quite yet. I'm pretty close, though.

one step closer

2009-02-12T19:25:00.000-06:00

Sandy Boren-Barrett, the Artistic Director at Stages Theatre Company, returned my call today for an informational interview. I need to email her to set it up, but we will probably meet next week.

I have a memory of a few years ago, before I acted there 2 years ago, that she gave me a tour of the facility. I can't remember why I was there in the first place-an audition perhaps? I'm not certain. In any case, I think they have a good thing going. They could be an invaluable resource. It had never occured to me before reading my career books that an informational interview was something you could request. Go figure.

Also excited for taxes. Amy and I are almost done.

Also excited for the wild rice soup I'm whisking right now.

Decided not to run tonight. It's a difficult transition from the YMCA to runs starting from home. The club tends to frown on 50 minute treadmill runs. And the track had "Family Hour" until 7:00 tonight, so that pretty much decided it for me.

Gloom, Despair and Agony on Me...

2009-02-02T22:08:00.000-06:00

I don't know why I have this damn blog. It's not like anyone reads it, or that I have something to say, really. But, on the off chance...

Happy New Year! One month late!

January was quite depressing, but I am still alive and well. I got some perspective and I feel I have a bit of a direction.

Despite our pissy economy, I am encouraged to seek out steady employment in one way, shape or form. I am facing the idea that I want to teach theatre- classes or something like that. I have been resisting it for some time, as it didn't seem feasible, or that I would be giving up on a non-existent theatre career. I thought that if anyone would be able to take things little by little, it would be me. Turns out that's not the case.

I had dabbled with the idea of pursuing my own puppet theatre to tour to local grade schools. I got some good ideas for stories to convert into short stage works, but my inquiries to Young Audiences of MN, as well as most of the local puppeteers went unanswered. I became daunted by the prospect of learning how to construct puppets in my garage all by myself. I trust myself to do the tasks, but this whole solo effort stuff is really for the birds. I need true collaboration. Never say never, but it just isn't feasible right now.

Then I turned to the idea of teaching. I've been reading several career-oriented books (eg. What Color is Your Parachute?) and it's been pretty insightful. I should be teaching kids. Theatre to kids. I guess, like I stated above, I was afraid to put that label on myself, and I never trusted myself to be a good, effective teacher. And I didn't have enough experience (see "Running Your Own Puppet Company"). So many excuses.

So, Jared-personality type ESFP needs multi-tasking, interaction and non-repetetive tasks. Which is what I have been doing for quite a while now. And it's killing me. I need to change it up, responsibly, figure out what exactly it is, and follow my bliss. No dictation needed.

Oh, and I'm training for a marathon. Running 5 days a week on my regimine. I haven't been doing it religiously, but the brutal cold and recent sickness took me out for a few days the last few weeks. Feels good to have a focus.

Food for thought.

If a tree falls in the forest...

2008-12-22T21:29:00.000-06:00

If I give up the actor moniker, what would change....?

Oh, God: Book ???

2008-12-20T20:00:00.000-06:00

Today I went to lunch with the Atheists for Human Rights. They had their annual Winter Solstice celebration at Ol' Mexico Restaurant this afternoon, and donated gifts to the students at Amy's school. I have to say it was a goofy few hours.

They had a backroom of the restaurant all to themselves, buffet and live atheist band. Yes, live atheist band. Calling themselves "Age of Reason" they managed to screech out a few folksie cover tunes, such as "Bobby McGee", "Imagine" and "Here Comes the Sun". They were fun. The food was alright for buffet, the margaritas were tasty and the average age of the people there was 60+. Quirky, hippy-dippy folks who raise money for causes and bring notice to all sorts of global religious issues, or non-religious issues. Wherever there's an uneven balance of church and state, the atheists are there.

Unfortunately, we had to leave before their holiday skit "A Cruxifiction Story: Dad, Get Me Out of Here!"

Being a former atheist, I appreciated the candor (the agnostic label has stuck for the last few years). It's the ones who latch onto the ritual of "God Bless Us All" without thought beyond the self (ie. except you Muslims) that seems to be problematic.

Happy Solstice! Longer days ahead...

2008-12-11T20:00:00.000-06:00

I've determined that there are three types of people who do temporary work...

1. artists

2. underemployed/transitioning/seasonal folks

3. scary/crazy-ass people

Feel free to mix and match at your convenience!

Long night's journey into....night

2008-12-08T19:04:00.000-06:00

It's that time of year again! When you wake up before the sun shows itself, and then leave work in the dead of the darkness. It's depressing, but knowing that it'll get lighter sooner, is the only reason I tolerate Minnesota year after year.

I'm also temping again, which is good for the money, but taking the train into downtown is a long haul weekday mornings. It's tolerable enough, and the data entry that accompanies it will last just long enough before it drives me crazy. Still working on finding that day job.

Funny how life works itself out without killing you. Usually.

I've also been working on a couple of ideas for my puppetry project. Admittedly, it's been a challenge this last week actually doing the writing and reading necessary, for starting temp work again tends to sap my strength, and lately coming home and playing Baldur's Gate is about all I want to do. Just a matter of establishing those habits again. The very idea of performing puppetry makes me happy, it's all of the prep work and construction that scares me.

sticking it to the man

2008-11-17T14:47:00.000-06:00

I told one of my temp agencies to cram it today. Not that dramatic, but it was time to sever the relationship, or what was left of it.

It's quote time!

2008-10-20T21:59:00.000-05:00

Zorak: You dance like a woman.
Space Ghost: I dance like a woman... if she were a man!
Zorak: Well... ya got me there.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Zorak: My favorite episode of The Golden Girls is the one where they all took contaminated Geritol and died.
Space Ghost: That was never an episode!
Zorak: Well, it should have been.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Space Ghost: Dennis, you've played a number of cops. Tell us how you came to be Robocop - the ultimate cop!
Dennis Miller: Well, listen, I had, uh, done a one-man show as Peter Weller called "Give 'Em Hell, Peter" for years off-Broadway...
Space Ghost: Hang on, Peter. I'm way too angry to check out each off-Broadway production of "Robocop." I'll wait until it's on-Way!

More Space Ghost fun here.

Bang bang

2008-10-01T09:32:00.000-05:00

The roofers hired by the association are working on our quad today, replacing the older shingles for newer ones. Hammer hammer thump thump. At least I have plans today to get out of here. The temp job ended yesterday, and I'm at home being domestic. I'll leave for a bit to go to the apartment and take a load to Goodwill, finish laundry, go to Minneapolis and have a late lunch with John, then stop by the Jungle Theatre to read a script of "Crime and Punishment". I'll audition either next Saturday or Monday. The entire day will then be capped off by a cultural intake of "America's Next Top Model" and "Project Runway".

As with any uncertainty, I have fear of not getting another job soon. Especially since we need to pay our final month of rent over at the apartment this week. No financial break there. As always before, it always works out.

Watched the end of "Roswell" this morning, not the Sci-Fi Channel series, but rather the strange Kyle MacLachlan 1994 movie "based in fact" of the events surrounding the alleged 1947 alien spacecraft crash. Not a well constructed or well written movie by any means, even with the half-hour I spied this morning, but I appreciated a bit of the details given with the characters and events. The puppet aliens constructed for the movie actually looked pretty good. There's always something to appreciate, even with low budgeted alien crash movies.

Arrested Development

2008-09-26T15:04:00.000-05:00

So wrong, and yet so right. Coming to a bus stop near you!

The house that Jack Somebody-or-other built

2008-09-19T09:15:00.000-05:00

It's (almost) official. A house has been purchased and is ready to move in next week! The underwriter called and told us that the approval has been greenlighted for a closing in 5 days. Yowza. It's one of the few adult things that I can lay claim to.

This townhome, built in the 70's, has some remarkably nice features and updated appliances. But we can't wait to rip out some carpeting and put hardwood floors in some key spots. I'm also looking forward to buying some of that insulation foam and filling up a few gaps surrounding the dryer exhaust pipe. Ah, the happy home-fixer...

Packing has been going well, and we are ahead of the game. We plan on using Two Men and a Truck to bring a load of the heavy furniture the two miles to our new place. Boxes should fit nicely in our vehicles otherwise. Serenity now!

new steps and shake-ups

2008-09-10T14:41:00.000-05:00

My work day will be cut short soon due to an eye exam follow-up. Most of the day was spent net-surfing as I finished all the calls and updates I could do here at the ol' temp-gig. I tried to figure out what I could do to be productive for my own personal gain, but ended up reading the entry for Dungeons & Dragons and Nethack on Wikipedia. I might bring some writing to do tomorrow if I don't get the next part of my assignment right away. I have an audition tomorrow, too, so that'll eat up some time.

I've been pretty confronted about getting a full-time job, but realize that I'm in no hurry. I just need to be active about finding something that'll work for me and be worthwhile. Something outside of the box that'll contribute to the well-being of my little family. My Equity benefits run out at the end of this month, so I'm getting some new health insurance. Some trendy Medica stuff. I mean, everyone on the brochure looked to be in their mid-20's and healthy enough, able to create fun human pyramids. That *was* me, at one time, in any case (sans pyramids).

Workin' 9-5 (or 8-4:30)

2008-08-29T09:02:00.000-05:00

Just faxed my work resume and application to Dakota County CDA for the Office Assistant job. Same duties as I'm used to, just getting paid a decent wage and benefits. I'd get Columbus Day off too. Could be a good thing to get settled down for awhile instead of this hooplah I've been running through the last few years. I need to give myself a break and realize that my money will not come solely from acting. Most of us don't have that luxury here in town. It'll work it's way out, I have faith. No hope, but faith.

I can almost taste it... mmmm, is that gingerbread?

2008-08-27T11:02:00.000-05:00

Getting pretty close now. The wheels are in motion and everything appears to be set. More later...

1 out of 3 ain't bad

2008-08-22T08:55:00.000-05:00

I had some pretty fucked up dreams last night. One was that Amy and I bought a big haunted Victorian house. While we tried watching "Dexter", there were noises coming from all over. I reached out and felt a solid invisible person standing in front of me. Ugh.

I also had a dream about being in a prison riot, where two friends of mine were shot. Not that I really knew these people, but I cried like a baby at their passing.

I also had a dream about working at Barnes & Noble. Everyone there seemed pretty cool, even though I was new. Huh.

breathe in the air

2008-08-18T14:44:00.000-05:00

It's been over a week since Fringe ended, and I have to say that the exhilaration I thought I'd feel from the entire experience is/was non-existent. Not to say that I didn't see good shows or have good experiences, but I never fully felt a part of the whole thing. The overall attendance to my show was embarrassing and I'll be lucky to break even. There was a weird yet understandable disparity in box office from Rarig venues to others. I guess if I wanted to Fringe (and Fringe economically), I'd go to the place that had 4 shows in one setting at any given time. No driving and parking all over town. Hard lesson learned.

I'm not a big name, or all that popular on the scene, but I put my eggs in the basket of "People will see my show based on the absurd premise". Some did. Most didn't. Second verse, same as the first. But I guess I'm glad to have attracted those that did find it and discovered exactly what I was up to at Intermedia Arts. This show was for you.

I guess I felt a bit frustrated, and still do to an extent, but I'm relieved that it's done and over with. The oats are vacuumed out from my car, the sock puppet's eyes are back in the sewing kit and the dreaded Oatwheel is in the dumpster. Amy is relieved that I can get back to the real world and concentrate on house-hunting and watch the second season of "Dexter" without worry. Officially out of the system. Moving on...

almost there

2008-08-10T10:05:00.000-05:00

4 down and 1 to go. I have to admit that last night's show (10 pm) was not my personal best. My contact came out of my eye for the second time during this run (right away as I ended the dream sequence dance). I managed to salvage it and pop it in, but the tech jumped the cue and didn't give Mark enough time to do his clowning bit. Needless to say I entered late for the first scene, coming out of the "wall" and into the oat box, apparently. Tonight I think I'll go sans contacts, just to be sure. The laptop worked well though (it's been screwing up latley and freezing the last 2 shows; Amy helped me remedy that).

Jason, the author was in town yesterday. I picked him up after I saw BOOM and An Inconvenient Squirrel. Nice shows, each in their own right.

I took Jason to Deviants. Very unique experience, and not what I expected from Live Action Set. He enjoyed it, and it was interesting to get his playwright perspective about a group that creates work from exercises and movements. Stark, very stark.

Went to the Fringe final afterparty. Saw a few folks I hadn't seen in awhile, including the Stitelers. Bill saw my show and gave it a good review last week. I wish we had more opportunities to connect instead of the once or twice a year dealio.

OK, off to townhome hunt!

something wicked

2008-08-08T08:10:00.000-05:00

I'm assuming the crappy facial hair I grew for "Oats" got me the print gig as the "Thug" in a new advertising campaign for the Minneapolis Police department.

There's such balance in nature...

computer blue

2008-08-07T09:55:00.000-05:00

Apparently my laptop is not responding the way it should for the show. The cues were somewhat delayed last night at the show. I ran a defrag on it and got rid of some pictures that took up some memory. It ran fine this morning.

Ugh. I'm a 19th Century guy in a 21st Century body. So to speak.

"How to make an Oatwheel!" or "Things I learned while high on fumes!"

2008-08-01T17:33:00.001-05:00

What you'll need:

-2 4 x 8 sheets of hardboard
-4 1/2 cans of 3M spray adhesive
-2 gallons of DAP contact cement
-7 canisters of Cub brand rolled oats (they're on sale!)
-one plastic 9 x12 drop cloth

1. Come up with a "great" alternative plan to having oats on stage for your play. The Fringe techs would frown, otherwise.

2. Ding, ding! Oatwheel!

3. Decide that the material will be oats adhered to thin hardboard. Keep forgetting that hardboard, while sturdy, likes to wobble when carried. Alot.

4. Have your friend who has a garage volunteer an afternoon to constuct and adhere oats. Whee!

5. Have same friend redesign (over the phone) the particular way to cut the aforementioned oatwheel so it fits in your sedan. Put it all together and make an 8 foot diameter oatwheel! Huzzah!

6. Arrive at friend's house. Unload oatwheel parts to be cut with a jig saw. Success! An evenly cut circle.

7. Adhere oats with spray. Wear protective mask, even though you have no sense of smell. The fumes; they'll getcha!

8. Hm. You need more 3M spray. The oats really aren't sticking as well as you hoped. Make 2 trips back to Home Depot.

9. Oats still are not adhering the way you envisioned they would. Buy your friend and his wife pizza, because you've overstayed your welcome.

10. Your friend tries a bit of contact cement, which seems to work pretty well. He only has a small can of it, so you decide to load up the Oatwheel into your car and try again next week.

11. Make the mistake of hauling the shedding oatwheel from your parking stall, up the back stairs and onto your apartment porch. Fire up the vacuum!

12. Apply newly bought gallon of contact cement to larger oatwheel sections. Despite the apparent success at adhering oats, you make a fucking mess on the porch. The wife is going to kill you. And it apparently smells really awful (or so you are told). Call wife on the phone while she's out to prematurely apologize for the mess. Somehow, you're forgiven (hint: get emotional from the fumes- or even if it's not the fumes, get emotional!).

13. Let dry. Buy a DROP CLOTH (something that you should have done in the first place (Hm). Wrap plastic sheet around 4 stacked Oatwheel pieces. Maneuver down stairs. Despite ramming the 8 foot long unwieldy pieces repeatedly on the staircase, they survive.

14. Purchase yet one more gallon of contact cement (that makes 2!). Haul Oatwheel sections to nearby park pavilion. Repeat steps 12 and 13, without as much mess. Ask park garbage collector if the Oatwheel smells. At first he says no, then a minute later he says "Oh, I smell it now"!

15. Let dry. Most of Oatwheel is covered, although the yellowish color from the previously dried oats looks like someone peed on it. It'll do. You are so done with it.

16. Bring still smelly Oatwheel to your tech rehearsal. The smell of the adhesive is still evident, but hopefully masked by the graffiti spray project outside Intermedia Arts. Fortunately, the technicians do not detect the smell, and your fellow actors don't really complain.

Congratulations! Promise yourself that you'll never do anything like that ever again!

Good tech, what a good little tech!

2008-07-29T22:06:00.000-05:00

I am so fucking relieved that my tech rehearsal at Intermedia Arts went as well as it did. We finished our set-up, cue-to-cue, run trough and clean up in about 2 hours and 20 minutes I think. The techs were happy to leave early (not sure if they had yet another rehearsal to endure or not). Everyone was pretty competent in dealing with the new territory. The laptop worked wonders and exceeded my expectations. The Oatwheel, yes the Oatwheel, looked not as bad as I thought, and didn't shed uncontrollably. We gained confidence with the use of "duct tape" and didn't disastrous snags. Two more rehearsals to work the kinks out and we'll be fine.

Just so you know. Yes, you.

You Tube video

2008-07-23T19:36:00.000-05:00

Fringe-fer-All

2008-07-21T22:57:00.000-05:00

I just got back from Fringe-for-All #2. "Among the Oats" went dead last, which was weird but welcome. Mark and I prepped well enough, but we went over in time, and were thusly clapped off the stage. He took some liberty in the beginning of our scene to play, which was fine, as the audience got a kick out of what was happening, I think. I kept wondering "What's taking him so long?" I was worried that he couldn't get the tape ripped off for his accessory. I thought the scene went well though.

I just hope people don't think I was an asshole or something as I kind of yelled my last line over the clapping as I walked off the stage. Really, I was having fun with the fact that we went over, and decided to play that up. Oh well. See the play for the play, not for the producing asshole.

I saw some good previews tonight, and some not so good. Par for the course, of course. I had fun. It was different and weird t be a part of the Fringe like that. I need to make an effort to see some of it (more of it) in the weeks to come.

We don't know who invented the wheel, but...

2008-07-20T17:25:00.000-05:00

...we know who's trying to invent the "Oatwheel"!

Um, me.

Trying is the keyword.

I spent 6 hours today with my friend Joe trying to get these damn oats to stick to the hardboard I bought. Great idea in concept, but the 3M adhesive just worked marginally well. Not well enough, though, for the effect I want.

So I brought the boards home in my now sticky oat-filled car. I'll try to apply some contact cement later this week to really make those damn oats stick. What a mess.

Joe was a real trooper. The pizza I bought in exchange for the use of his garage surely wasn't enough. Live and learn, I guess.

Oh, Mr. Sagan, do go on...

2008-07-13T10:53:00.000-05:00

A scientific colleague tells me about a recent trip to the New Guinea highlands where she visited a stone age culture hardly contacted by Western civilization. They were ignorant of wristwatches, soft drinks, and frozen food. But they knew about Apollo 11. They knew that humans had walked on the Moon. They knew the names of Armstrong and Aldrin and Collins. They wanted to know who was visiting the Moon these days.

- from Pale Blue Dot, Chapter 16, Scaling Heaven

Storm a-comin'

2008-07-11T20:47:00.000-05:00

Oooooo! Scary storms affecting practically all of Minnesota. The Dakota County sirens are blaring and the sky is black. The trees they are a-swayin'.

We've had good rehearsals this week. Last night was good, despite the giant turn-of-the-20th-Century cast from Rosetown Playhouse performing out on the Como Pavillion patio. Some kid kept knocking on the door to our conference room while we were rehearsing. Little bastard. I went out twice to yell "whoever was knocking on our door better knock it off RIGHT NOW!!!". I am an old man. The only thing missing was a flaming bag of shit.

Despite that, we're really coming along. We concentrated our rehearsal on "Death", looking at the props I had so far and viewing the slideshow on my laptop. Everyone was pleased as well with the postcards that arrived yesterday. They are on their way to the appropriate folks.

Just have my audition for Frank Theatre on Sunday. I hope to tackle some more prop issues and solve/explore the matter of the use of "duct" (gaff) tape in our show. It'll be a good, fun effect when all is said and done.

God bless Amerika

2008-07-04T14:47:00.000-05:00

I don't know the source of that title. But it's the 4th and I thought I'd say something at least somewhat patriotic, if not ironical.

Does it not say something that the president was heckled today during a speech? I don't know what was said, or even how appropriate it was to interrupt a speech, but it certainly is a testament as to how angry people are.

No show work today. I've been recovering from a cold and I want to treat it like a holiday. Besides, I have my face buried in a computer daily- time to experience the sunlight. I did get a return email from Jon Ferguson today. He expressed a willingness to look in on a rehearsal of "Oats". It's heartening that someone like Jon at least has the interest to help out and give feedback. I feel that artists like Jon really do enhance the theatre scene here in the Twin Cities, offering a real genuine approach to stagework- something very different than the regular fare of the past 10 years. Glad to know and learn from him.

"Oatiness"

2008-07-03T02:38:00.000-05:00

I just got sick yesterday. That "summer" cold that comes out of nowhere and makes you feel like it's midwinter. Ick. I think I'm starting to shake it.

That said, I forgot that I linked my google blog to our Fringe page. No more self-serving rants for me; gotta be professional.

Rehearsals are going well. We are getting offbook this week, and I'm actually pretty impressed with the memorization of the cast so far (myself included). Of course there are fumbles and called lines, but having had a two week hiatus hasn't really shaken us.

So, it's almost three in the morning, and I had the monkey-mind going. I couldn't get the "too-do list" out of my head. Props that need assembling, oat wheel that needs building, a laptop operator that needs hiring/volunteering ( I may have to part with my Artist Pass; know anyone?), etc. Really, it'll all come together with tenacity.

No, "Among the Oats" isn't Shakespeare, and it may not make the critics' pick, but I really needed to do it. It's bothered me artistically for years that I never gave it the chance it deserved back in 2002. Now we have a new venue, a new approach, new episodes. When it's done, I can lay it to rest and move on to other things, knowing that I gave it a pretty good shot and fulfilled it as best I could.

scratch that

2008-06-12T21:49:00.000-05:00

Okay, so rehearsals have been going pretty well so far. Drew and Mark have a grip on things, and my insights seem to have resonated with them. Now for a 2 week sabbatical of sorts as I delve into Jon Ferguson's clown class. I'll have some "Oat" stuff to do in the meantime, but that will come with persistence.

I just get ticked off when requests for information or equipment go unanswered. Is it so fucking hard to email me a "yes" or "no"?

The more things change, the more things stay the same in their asshole universe.

Perhaps I'm uppity because I'm producing again.

I, ah, just fuck it...

2008-06-10T22:38:00.000-05:00

Menial tasks at work tend to bring out the despair in me.

Then I think of Mexican food and I tend to give that up.

And now for something completely... well, uh...

2008-06-06T18:26:00.000-05:00

What I really hate is that I started my day looking like a guy I have nothing in common with. The very gray polo shirt, blue jeans and brown tennis shoes. I've been temping for over a week now and I still don't have my computer login. The place where I've been rehearsing closed early "due to the storms" last night, preventing me from using the meeting room with no warning call. I feel like I am slating myself as "second-class". Boo hoo.

I dunno. I feel like I am either not giving myself a break or I'm not living the life I want.

Jared blog like a log

2008-05-23T21:21:00.000-05:00

Well, it's been about a month since my last post. I haven't been writing lately because I've been fairly self-absorbed. And I'm wondering about the value of blogging my thoughts in the first place. But I'll oblige as I like the idea of my own personal nook as a window to my soul. Or something less lofty.

My temp job ended today, with nothing lined up right now.

I got new headshots recently, and I'm pretty happy with the lot of them. I got monologue coaching recently from a local actor, from who I got a recommendation to potentially sign with a talent agency (we'll see if this materializes into anything tangible). I am hankering to do a voiceover demo, but I have no idea right now if it's feasible or if I'm marketable for that sort of thing.

Related voiceover anecdote: At our overnight high school graduating party, we were pulled aside to do a video documentary 2 at a time. My friend Sam and I went into the coaches room and were interviewed by some radio guy about what we'd be up to 5 years from now. Sam's response: finishing up his first year of law school. My response: doing all the cartoon voices for NBC Saturday morning. Guess who nailed their prediction?

Meanwhile, I'm working on my Fringe show. Hitting a few snags here and there, but I am feeling fulfilled by tackling the project and getting it out of my system. First rehearsal is next Tuesday.

And the beat goes on...

Lone Wolf and No Cub

2008-04-24T19:45:00.000-05:00

I rather enjoy convincing other people to follow me on my Don Quixote-esque quests. There's something to be mined there, I think.

The thought occurred to me today that I'm still a bit haunted by my previous associations with being a part of theatres and having it end negatively. I am wondering if the residual effects of this pervade through me or in spite of me. Maybe I'm just sensitive and paranoid.

Related note: I had a bad audition on Sunday- got the rejection email today (fully expected, of course). It wasn't even so much me as the director that threw me. I don't really know if he was listening- I clearly stated that 2 monologues were being done. I performed the comedic one well enough, and then made a clear shift into the "dramatic" one, and spoke the first line. The director guffawed and then said "good, good" as if (from my perception) to end the audition. I glanced at him, and continued on. Upon completing my minute monologue, he leaped out of his chair saying "thank you" and quickly escorted me to the door. Of course, I knew it was over and done before it was over and done. Jerk. I've auditioned for about once a year on average since 2000, and I've given him average to excellent auditions. I felt like the whole experience was diminished by the fact that he seemed to make his mind up about me (or has made up his mind up about me years ago) before the audition began. There are several directors like this in town who I think feel this way.

That bothers me well enough, but I can deal as I really have no tie to them. But when people I know seem to have a similar manner, or "dis-ease", about my talent or projects I undertake, then it gets me all weirded out. As if there's some undelivered communication. Perhaps it's because I take my art pretty personally despite the apparent sillyness or vaguery it can portend. It's a part of me, and when that part is rejected, well then... ugh. There's weirdness.

So, I guess what I'm babbling on about is this: I am trying to embrace my own thing, and trying to be cool with those that may not dig it. And I can't see a time when I will collaborate again with anyone producing something. Never say never, but I owe myself an identity and comfort within that existence and association.

Starlight, starbright...

2008-04-07T21:02:00.000-05:00

Why can't I have everything in real life play out the way it does in my head? I know I'm the only one with this conundrum. I like the word "conundrum". And "deplorable".

Fringe elements

2008-04-05T13:06:00.000-05:00

So I'm taking charge of another theatre project, and it feels pretty good. I feel like I'm getting a grasp on things I need to prepare, getting a few actors I like interested in the script, etc. I've found that I get things done when I'm sneaking in blocking notes while I should be color-coding invoices to be filed away at my temp job. Two of three sections done and blocked in the last few days. Me likey.

But the ghosts of doubt come back every once in a while. I seem to like to remind myself of the last time I directed, and how I became vulnerable and allowed my integrity to nearly snap in half because of someone else's ill-founded notions of my leadership capabilities. Hypocritical arguments made to my face and behind my back. Just real violations of trust that brought out the worst in how I handle situations. It's the second time something like that happened to me- almost the exact same scenario, and I almost let it take me down again. I think I directed in the wrong place at the wrong time; devoting myself to a company that was doomed from the get go- something that wasn't going to grow and mature into something tangible and dynamic. It's still disappointing to me, almost 2 years later. Agreements from day one were broken at the drop of a hat.

In any case, I've become even more careful about who I work with and who I put my trust in. I can't allow for a slip like that again. Granted, I've learned alot from those experiences, but I'll be damned if I'll continue to learn like that.

I got my bachelors in...

2008-03-26T19:34:00.000-05:00

Amy leaves for San Diego for about a week; flying out tomorrow. It's for a non-profit conference where she'll see Jane Goodall and Bob Geldof speak. I am envious, for the trip, weather and atmosphere sound delicious- even though it has been more temperate here as of late. I am also struggling a bit financially- the temp gigs are not coming in.

So, instead I'll decompress, play a few video games and perhaps donate some plasma for some extra funds. No joke. Maybe it's a pride thing- expenses being what they are as of late, any extra cash is a good thing.

silver lining...?

2008-03-11T19:46:00.000-05:00

You know, the few crazy jobs I've been doing lately have been quite challenging. But I have to say that they make me glad that my life is not like this all the time. Like the one guy with the wierd gut and the crazy hair. The dude looked like a recent transplant from the looney bin. He was actually nice, though. My other coworkers today had almost no personality to speak of. Amazing the little negotiation power that some people have with complete strangers.

I'm tired today, not having slept well last night and putting together shelves at the Woodbury Hallmark. I live to serve another day. And I care enough to assemble the very best.

Life in da theatre

2008-02-26T19:19:00.000-06:00

So early last week was spent in Milwaukee and Chicago. Oddly enough, I spent about a grand total of an hour and a half collectively in each city(travel included). I sped into town last Monday during a horrendous winter storm and auditioned for about 15 theatres in Milwaukee (I made it just in time). Chicago the next day was a much less harrowing experience, as I parked my car at the Cumberland Transit station and rode the El into downtown to audition in a tiny AEA office stuffed with actors overdressed or underdressed for Cincinatti Playhouse in the Park. Right after my 3 minute audition, I headed back to the train and shot out of town. Admittedly, it'd be easier to be in Chicago doing this stuff, but with general auditions being the crapshoots that they are, I feel I'm doing everything for my career that I can within reason.

Some guy just accidently hit me in the head with his flimsy plastic sandwich-board sign as he left the car I was in for the next- while the train was moving back towards Cumberland Station, of course. All in all, it was a good trip. I stayed with my sister in Madison in between auditions, and had a good visit.

I've had to saddle up recently and get back to temping- I start a week-long gig at 3M in St. Paul tomorrow. It's what I expected to be doing, having been spoiled at the Old Log Theatre for the last 5 months. I never took for granted how good I had it when I had it.

So, I'm not despairing by any means, but the unknown is back as it was before. The game is different, though. This Equity thing is what I wanted, so I'm getting used to this moniker and feeling out what it means.

So, if I don't score a summer acting gig, I have the Fringe. I'm actually excited about the project I have in mind, but I don't want to go hog wild in case I leave for the summer. Once March 14 comes around, and if I have no offers that conflict with late July/ early August, I'll be Fringing it. After that, I'll start putting things into motion. Either way I'll have someting to look forward to. It'll be an interesting few months ahead.

Who Watches the Watchmen...?

2008-02-11T13:24:00.000-06:00

Apparently director Zack Snyder, who answered my question concerning the upcoming film version of the Alan Moore graphic novel...

ManOWar: The graphic novel contains quite a bit of symmetry, not only in the artwork, but also in the narration and the dialogue. Scenes happening between characters inadvertently comment on an alternating scene in the next frame. This convention is used quite a bit throughout Watchmen. Are you emulating this technique at all in filming/editing, or do you have another approach?

Zack Snyder: That’s absolutely right; there is a lot of symmetry in the graphic novel. When designing the shots, I have made an effort to make the images balanced compositionally to reflect some of the illustrated symmetry of the graphic novel. In addition to the visual symmetry, we do overlap the dialogue — that convention of having one scene comment on the next. That happens quite a bit in the graphic novel and I tried to keep that in the film wherever I could.

ManOWar is my nerd moniker...

2008-02-10T18:22:00.000-06:00

I've always been one who thought he needed a plan. To accomplish certain things before I could move on to the next phase. Finish college, get a day job, theatre at night, etc.

But lately I've been thinking about a few of my friends that took the alternative route into a responsible family and career. Stuff I've really admired without ever expressing it to them.

One friend started from the bottom rung for Holiday Station stores, after a failed attempt at a semester and a half at college, and worked is way to being a store auditor. He gets to work with numbers and software to make the stores run more efficiently. No degree, no special training- just using skills that he was always good at utilizing.

Another friend, who is several years younger than me, came to my college, did a few years there, got several lead roles, then left to train with Commedia del Arte in California. He toured with circus groups, taught grad school students physical theatre and has a family.

These friends had a drive that hasn't existed in me for the most-part. They made things happen based on what they knew they wanted, and the universe opened up. I like that. I long for a continued clarity and direction fory life and clear.

Heh. Don't we all.

Then again, having all the answers would be exceedingly boring...

Take two of these and call me in the morning...

2008-01-30T22:56:00.001-06:00

I feel slightly politically depressed. John Edwards has left the race for Prez- the only candidate that I felt spoke a true progressive message. Can someone tell me what Obama is about, besides this nebulous idea of "change"?

I don't get it. I don't. I'm not saying I won't vote for him if he gets the DFL nomination, but... damn.

"Every exit is an entry somewhere else."

2008-01-22T14:50:00.000-06:00

Well, howdy selective readers. I am not in the next Old Log show. It goes to show that you really can't count on any one thing. I had a good audition for "Incorruptable", but wasn't the right fit.

That said, I am now starting to really embrace the lifestyle of a professional actor. One of tenacity and endless auditions and training. I am flying to Chicago for an audition in a few weeks, and plan to do a few more down that way in the coming month. I also plan on taking a course or two in On Camera and Voiceover in the next few months too. I registered for the Fringe lottery as well, so I could use that as a showcase if selected. Just trying to be proactive.

And, hey, temping isn't all bad. If I have something to look forward to, it's especially good. :ife be A-OK right now. There isn't anything else I'd rather be doing.

It's been a long time a-coming

2007-12-28T00:35:00.000-06:00

I am a bad blogger. No news for a month and a half. Fie on me.

Holidays were good. The show is going well. Amy and I are recovering from nasty little colds. Cat is starting to settle down after his radioactive pill treatment. "Purple Rain" is on VH-1. Got a mini-grant to take another class series with Jon Ferguson. Vikings need a win and luck to make the playoffs. I need to touch base with friends, see, call write. That's important to me. Gotta return Bill'sbook that I borrowed months and months ago. I have a wierd abcess on my toe that won't go away. I need to start writing again- a screenplay. I got 3 overdrafts today- ugh- just didn't deposit the paycheck on time. It's been awhile since that's happened; what did I need $102 for anyway?

Oh, yeah, rent.

I hope you've enjoyed my bland, non-poetic stream of consciousness!

roto-scoping

2007-11-14T10:19:00.000-06:00

The Charles Schwab commericals that utilize this technique really freak me out. I don't get it (other than the attention getting-value). I mean, is there an artistic choice behind this?

Otherwise, A Scanner Darkly uses it to great effect. Kudos to Richard Linklater.

yearly altruism

2007-11-02T10:41:00.000-05:00

I'm off to put up posters for the Shakespeare & Company Weekend Intensive at various colleges. I haven't been able to attend the last few times due to shows and what not, despite my arrangement with them (the I'll do promo leg-work for a free workshop). Perhaps it's because I've done the Month-Long and have a small history that I'm able to do this, but the trouble is minimal to be able to attend a $300 workshop for "free". Send a few emails, post on a few websites, maybe a 550 classified ad, and I'm set.

This year, repeating last year, I won't be able to attend, at least not the whole thing, because of my show. But I promo and post anyway. Boy, you're gonna carry that weight...!

Oh, and I purged a bunch of clothes from my closet. They are bagged and ready for Goodwill- my first stop today. Three big bags of old jeans and sweaters that don't work for me. Also included: my cherished "Zippy the Pinhead" T-shirt that my aunt gave me years ago. Time to fill up the closet again with new goodies.

Time for a new white dress shirt, too. I also need some kick-ass audition clothes. Something sliming, as my exercise regime is having a tough time getting going... heh heh.

SEE YOU, SPACE COWBOY...

2007-10-12T09:44:00.000-05:00

My"Selective Anime" kick has reaquainted me with "Cowboy Bebop", which my sister introduced to me a few years ago. Now I can't stop watching it; midnight on Adult Swim- they are playing the episodes in order.

I never thought I'd be eagerly awaiting a cartoon like this, but it's a sort of dirty little secret of mine. Well, one I wouldn't bring up in conversation in any case. I felt pretty self conscious renting the "Best of..." episodes and movie last week at Blockbuster. Not sure if Amy would appreciate a Netflix Anime takeover, currently on hiatus.

"Cowboy Bebop" music is incredible and fun. It really helps hold it all together, aside from the great characters and gritty stories. It's made me appreciate the genre. It sets up a world in 2071 where crime syndicates are powerful, and bounty hunters are more predominant than ever. Some devastation has occured to Earth in the past (ie. no more Moon), but society somehow manages.

One episode recently kind of got to me: "Speak Like a Child". Faye, one of the Bebop bounty hunters, has an old beta tape mysteriously sent to her. Her comrades go hunting for an old beta-tape player just to see what's on it (Jet tells Faye she can't watch the tape until she reimburses him for the C.O.D. charges). Finally getting a hold of one, the tape shows a young Faye in the very early 21st century, making a tape for herself to look at 10 years in the future. Faye, as it is revealed in the story, has no clue to her past. She was caught in the middle of a terrible accident when she was 20, and placed into a cryogenic freeze to save her (reviving her 54 years later). No one knew her name or where she was from; just the debt she owed the hospital from being woken up. Faye spies at the tape playing, realizes that it's definitely her, but feels nothing as she stares at the TV screen. She wants to know her past, but has no frame of reference for it.

I felt, for a cartoon even, that it really did a remarkable job of capturing a moment of humanity, not resorting to some cheap or melodramatic tricks. Just a closeup of Faye's face watching the screen, her expression of mixed emotion revealed just enough.

"Stiff and mannered"

2007-10-03T15:53:00.000-05:00

It's wierd being called "stiff and mannered" when the character is everything but...

http://www.startribune.com/121/story/1458077.html

Let William Randall Beard eat cake! With rat poison in it... ;)

randoms

2007-09-17T18:54:00.000-05:00

I have been rehearsing for a week. Love it. It's beautiful outside, and having lunch at one of the picnic tables on the Old Log property. Rehearsal is going well. We are apparently ahead of the curve.

It's interesting being directed by Tom Stolz; he micromanages moments on stage- he knows exactly what he wants. Normally, this might sound like a nightmare, but he has a keen insight into where laughs occur, what the ideal positioning is for actors, crosses on stage, etc. I normally subscribe to the organic style of letting things unfold, but I am being paid well enough to just shut up and listen. Given the 2 weeks of rehearsal, actors don't have much time to figure out everything; it makes sense a few weeks later (Sean pointed this out to me as his experience in acting out there- the Stolz family apparently has this down to a science). It's all working out fine.

On a sad and related note: Don Stolz's wife passed away last night. It was expected, and Tom announced his mother's death to us this morning. He handled it really well and said he'd rather not be anywhere else than at rehearsal. He also gave us the compliment of having a cast that made it easy for him in this time. A cast that "had heart".

Got a new used car last week. Not an American model- a 2004 Hyundai Elanta. I think half the country has this car, but it runs well enough. A little more than I wanted to pay, but it beats a rust-bucket anyday.

The Truck is Dead, Long Live the ...?

2007-09-06T12:14:00.000-05:00

My truck is officially scrapped with a $3600 bill. Apparently, my fishing trip to Wisconsin was all it could handle before the ball bearings in the engine ripped their surroundings apart. Tonight, I'll take the truck home on it's final deluge home as it chugs along for 2 miles. Rehearsals start Monday and I definitely need a car to get to and fro, so I am forced to get something this weekend. Forced to make payments and pay for full coverage.

This truck belonged to Amy's dad before he passed away. He placed a pin of St. Christopher attached above the driver's side seat on the ceiling. The Patron Saint of Travelers. I guess I should be thankful for the 2 1/2 years of safe travel, and no accidents or speeding tickets.

There is always a sentimental attachment to material objects, and I realize this when I have to get rid of it, whether it be a Tshirt going to Goodwill, or a book being sold at a thrift sale. It's as if part of my memory is gone, and the times that I associate with that thing are forever lost. A little reminder that time keeps on slipping into the future, as Steve Miller would say.

My fear of commitment to a new car spreads to my inability to predict my finances. But other than that I really have nothing to bitch about.

Un-forgettable...

2007-08-21T14:19:00.000-05:00

I failed to get my temp timecard signed in time before the deadline this morning, which means I have to wait until NEXT Thursday to get a direct deposit paycheck. Just in time for rent. Whee. Meanwhile, I must not be so carefree with my monies.

Much to Amy's chagrin, I have been preparing a re-written copy of "Among the Oats" suited to my production ideas for use in next year's Fringe Festival, if I enter, and if it gets drawn in the lotto. I am glad that I transcended any bitterness I had about not being drawn this year; I never really felt any. Amidst the crap shows I saw, I felt like everyone got a fair shot at whatever they wanted to do. Fringe was fun, but a bit underwhelming for me. Amy despises the Fringe, more than anyone I've ever talked to.

She didn't care for "Oats" when I did it the first time either. She was in a bad place at that time, and her chief criticism was that the play really had no satisfying resolution. For me, that was kind of the point, but I can see from a dramatic aesthetic one wants to see a show go SOMEWHERE. This next incarnation that I want to do does this, and then some. Using two different episodes, I've got a kooky resolution and a dramatic arc going. The episodes are meant to stand alone, but the three I've compiled (Dream, Fashion, and Death) give a hint of history and lend something to the relationship that the three characters have.

I dunno. The show is "fringey". I think others would dig it. It turns me on. Thas all.

Die- et

2007-08-13T16:22:00.000-05:00

When will all Chinese food places stop putting pork into every single eggroll they sell?

It's a mad, mad, mad, mad, mad buffet of sin.

I lied...

2007-08-08T08:53:00.000-05:00

I checked out a few reviews, not only of my Fringe show, but others. I am out of integrity.

At least City Pages gave us a favorable review... :)

Fringe

2007-08-06T09:38:00.000-05:00

I've gotta stop looking at reviews in the Fringe. Not just the ones for my show, but others as well. It's all so arbitrary, and means nothing even in the short-term. I don't need the rush in seeing if someone likes me or my friends (ooooh! define me!).

The only show I've seen so far, other than the one I'm involved in, was a mess. A few people gave it lukewarm to poor reviews on the Fringe website. The lead actor then took it upon himself to give the show "5 stars" and a glowing review. Ugh. Even in jest, that seems so screwed up to me.

Three more shows as of this writing. It has been a decent, if challenging, experience. Looking forward to cooking along this fall. And compelled to lose weight, get back into shape, and pursue some endeavors while the creative juices flow.

Triumph of the Will

2007-07-18T12:19:00.000-05:00

Somehow, the planets aligned and the stars smiled upon me last week.

I got Amy to watch all the "Star Wars" movies (episodes IV, V, and VI) back to back.

And she ENJOYED them.

Duck and cover. The apocalypse is NIGH...

(At play) amidst the strangeness and the charm

2007-07-03T12:25:00.000-05:00

I just found out what this term actually means:

"Strangeness" and "Charm" are qualities of quarks. Physicists use the term "At play amidst the strangeness and the charm" in referring to someone who has passed on. Death, in scientific terms.

One can find this referenced in Alan Moore's graphic novel "Watchmen" (see The Vivarium in my links box), when physicist Jon Osterman is destroyed in an accident at Gila Flats Base routine intrinsic field test (later to be reborn as "Dr. Manhattan"). His girlfriend Janey, before he returns as God in human form several months later, places a picture of him behind a glass cabinet in the base's bar. The title "At play amidst the strangeness and the charm" hangs above all the pictures in this cabinet. I learned recently that all the pictures referred to in this cabinet contain pictures of former scientists at the base who passed away. I just thought the term referred to some old time saying, revealling some cuteness of the locals having fun. The brilliance of "Watchmen", of course, is in the details.

But I like my use of the term. So I don't think I'll be changing it up for a more correct term, despite the macabe connotations it might bring. I am not "At Play" quite yet. "Strangeness" and "Charm", both the nuclear and more mundane meanings, connotate the fascination of life and the wierd things we encounter on a daily basis. Coincidences, dreams and epiphanies all qualify for me.